Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Do you know a skilled Extortionpreneur?

He mostly wears shirts with formal pants. Sometimes it is a t-shirt of a political party, or a trade union. He hardly parts with his yellow cap; sometimes a red one.

A bundle of keys hang around his chest by a thread around his neck. He droops as he walks, showing no signs of being in a hurry.

He spots his target from a mile away. And proceeds towards “it” with impressive stealth. Once he is within range, he flashes his charm to greet. He must have rehearsed this over a long period of time. His gaze locks you in. His broad hands move about in a coordinated fashion.

His whole being smiles at you. His verbal charm is like tentacles of a leering creature. Before you know it, he has weakened all your defences. He compliments you, telling you that a person of your calibre deserves to be president of the country. You fall for that, and you imagine yourself sauntering around Union Building with no particular care in the world.

As he speaks, his right hand pats his chest, on several occasions. Then he touches the keys. Flipping a card holder, he flashes the driver licence at you. You look closer, he pats the shoulder of a “president” while promising to pull out his ID document from his back pocket, if you so wish; just to put you at ease that he is a legit citizen in this country you should be running.

He is willing to let you hold on to them – the keys, driver licence, ID document… even a Nokia with a cracked screen – if you will lend him a R50 that he is in short of to pay for his tender document. ‘I am submitting it at the “manucipality,” he tells you. But, for a student that you are, this is a lot of money to part with. To think that you literally walked about 3 kilos to town, to maximise the purchasing power of your paltry allowance, thanks to Tito Mboweni’s cruel decisions.

You ask him to show you that tender document. It has been withheld by security officials. Why? ‘They are preventing fraud,’ he says. You don’t have the time to walk with him to the municipal office to verify this. Neither do you have the interest to hold on to those “valuables” he is exchanging to get the money he needs from you.

Sorry, I don’t have the money, you say. The future president must demonstrate ability to sympathise with the plight of ordinary people. Therefore, he will not take a “No” for an answer. Were you not listening? He said he is running a tendering business; it is very profitable. This is a big tender which he cannot afford to lose out on. He can give you shares if you are interested. Shares? For a R50 note borrowed in the street?

Not knowing how to get out of this situation, to continue on your way to grocery store, your eyes save you. They fall on his shoes. Dusty shoes. They look like they have seen better days. Despite his dark skin, the sun has surely baked him, and the sweat glands are surely 5 nil ahead against a compulsory morning bath, and deodorant.

You feel the drizzle coming down your face. Didn't the news reader forecast a no chance of rain today? What is happening in Vanderbijlpark at 10:52 in the morning? You look up to inspect what is supposed to be clear blue skies. Your eyes fail to go beyond his fat lips. A third spittle shoots out and lands just below your lip. Now you see where the rain is coming from.


‘Jerry, tlohella ngwana eo a tsamaye (let the boy go!)’ says a woman who is selling vegetables to taxi commuters by the pavement. Tsamaya o lo sebetsa! Tlohella ditjhele tsa batho,’she shouts while swatting flies which persistently threaten to spoil her wares. You walk on, briskly, relieved that Mam’ Bongi has saved you from a tenderpreneur who wins R50 worth of tenders from unsuspecting townsfolk.

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