It is so hot in here I feel like I'm in Durban!

I had just sent an email to Mr. Mac Maharaj. He is at macmaharaj@icloud.com. This was just two days after president Zuma had made the statement 'We are not some national road somewhere in Malawi.'

In the email I impressed upon him that surely it must be so hot being the Spokesperson it should always feel like he is in Durban. He called me back instantly. ‘Hello,’ he said, breathing rather heavily.

Hello, I replied.

‘Hang on, let me loosen my collar and switch on the air conditioner.’

So I waited, wandering what was coming.

‘Hello Foozy,’ he said.

No, Mr. Maharaj, my name is F-u-s-i… Fusi!

[sound of another phone ringing]

‘Hang on again, Foozy…’

(‘Hello? Yes, comrade Vusi (Mona)… heh? Oh sorry, comrade Jesse (Duarte) hahahaha… I am losing my mind. It is so hot in here.’) He exclaimed.

[15 seconds of silence]

(‘‘Okay……………. okay……………… okay………………….. Okay, listen comrade, right? Tell the president I’ve got the situation under control. Tell him I will spin this one for him again, right.’’)

[Mr. Maharaj comes back to me]

‘Oh sorry Foozy, it’s hot in here. Look I didn’t say Foozy, I said Fusi. You have regrettably taken me out of context and blown my pronunciation completely out of proportion!’

Don’t we all like to do that these days, Mr. Maharaj, I muttered.

‘What is that supposed to mean? Anyway, I haven’t got much time. Regarding your e-mail, right… it’s not like it’s hot being in this job I’m doing, right. The thing is…’

‘Mr. Maharaj,’ I interrupted ‘the Malawi National Roads Agency are extending an invitation to Mr. President Zuma…’

[Growl from Mr. Maharaj] ‘What invitation?’

‘It is an all expenses paid fact finding mission for Mr. president… to go see how president Joyce Banda is running roads infrastructure over there,’ I said.

‘So there is a National Roads Authority in Malawi?’ he asked.

Yes, I replied.

‘Now I’m frying over here!’

Mr. Maharaj slammed the phone in my ear.